SOP-46D: Handling of Misaddressed Diplomatic Parcels

INTRODUCTION

Most offices have a “Lost & Found.” Rabagas HQ has a “Pending Return” cabinet — an unassuming metal tomb where the misplaced diplomacy of the world comes to die.

Since the mid-80s, a baffling number of diplomatic parcels intended for foreign embassies have found their way to Rabagas HQ. No one has conclusively determined why, although theories range from postal sorting errors to “a very niche kind of espionage prank.”

SOP-46D was drafted to manage the influx. Officially, it is about order and protocol. Unofficially, it is about quietly enjoying the mystery of why the Embassy of Belgium once mailed us a single taxidermied squirrel wearing a sash.

SECTION 1: PURPOSE

Official wording:

“To process packages clearly intended for foreign embassies but inexplicably delivered to Rabagas HQ.”

Unofficial intent:

“To prolong the delicious moment before anyone figures out what on earth is going on.”

SECTION 2: PROCEDURE

Step 1 – Admiration & Documentation

Any parcel marked with a foreign seal must be photographed from multiple angles, x-rayed, and — in keeping with Rabagas’ “Courtesy Policy” — sincerely complimented on its wrapping quality. This is logged in the Package Aesthetics Register under the categories Elegant, Unhinged, or Practical But Menacing.

Step 2 – Containment in Pending Return

The parcel is placed in the Pending Return cabinet, where it will remain until its contents are deemed politically irrelevant. Average storage time: 18 months. In some cases, items have been “Pending” for over a decade, either because no one agrees on the contents’ political relevance, or because the key to the cabinet was last seen in 2004.

Step 3 – Interpretative Opening

If a parcel is opened — by accident or “accident” — its contents are to be interpreted as metaphors rather than actionable intelligence. Example: A shipment of 200 glass marbles addressed to the Embassy of Canada was logged as “a reflection on the fragility of diplomacy.”

Step 4 – The Limbo Defence

If questioned by the sender, the official response is that the package is currently “in interdepartmental limbo” — an alleged “sacred diplomatic tradition” which, while invented, has never once been challenged by a foreign envoy.

SECTION 3: INCIDENT LOG HIGHLIGHTS

• 2015 – Luxembourg Magnet AffairA misaddressed parcel contained 800 novelty fridge magnets reading “Ask Me About Neutrality.” Internal Affairs held a week-long staff competition to see who could incorporate the magnets most creatively into daily operations.
• 1998 – The Sardine Tape RollA box containing a single roll of packing tape, soaked in sardine oil, was addressed to the Embassy of Norway. No further explanation has ever emerged.
• 2020 – Miniature Flags of Nations That Don’t ExistDelivered in a diplomatic pouch, these were flagged (and flagged again) as “temporally unstable political memorabilia.”

SECTION 4: STAFF TESTIMONIES

Archival Clerk #7:

“I’ve always liked parcels more than people. They’re quieter, and they only surprise you once.”

Security Officer B. Marquez:

“If you’re going to open one of these, wear gloves. Not for safety — just to feel more like a spy.”

SECTION 5: CULTURAL IMPACT

Within Rabagas, “going 46D” has become shorthand for parking an awkward problem somewhere until it’s no longer anyone’s responsibility. The Pending Return cabinet has its own seasonal decorations, including a miniature string of fairy lights for December and a paper chain of tiny diplomatic pouches for March.

A staff-led podcast, Unclaimed & Untamed, briefly chronicled the most unusual pending parcels before it was “moved into limbo” itself.

SECTION 6: CURRENT STATUS

At last count, the Pending Return cabinet contained:

• 27 parcels labelled “Priority” (untouched for over two years)
• A crate stamped “Handle with Philosophical Caution”
• A still-sealed velvet envelope rumoured to hum faintly if you press your ear to it

No delivery service has ever claimed responsibility for the misdeliveries. The phenomenon persists, and the SOP remains active.