The RABAGAS Classified Compendium – Vol. 1
Welcome to the first official drop of the RABAGAS Classifieds — a lightly curated collection of reader-submitted needs, offers, desires, and questionable truths. Some are real. Some are beautiful lies. Most are somewhere in-between.
Unpaid truths, emotional job listings, and one exceptionally cursed blender.
Welcome to the first official drop of the RABAGAS Classifieds — a lightly curated collection of reader-submitted needs, offers, desires, and questionable truths. Some are real. Some are beautiful lies. Most are somewhere in-between.
✨ Want to submit your own classified? Click here or visit the Submissions Desk. Sponsored placements get emojis.
💸 Patron Saint Placements
(They paid €5 or equivalent in secrets.)
Seeking Night Thinker
We need someone to hold strange thoughts from midnight to 3am. Must not sleep easily. Must believe in vibes. Bring your own thermos.
Reply to: thejtv@proton.me Kode: COFFEE
Haunted Blender for Sale
It hums when sad. Only blends blue fruits. Comes with cord, story, and an apology note from its former owner.
💀 Pickup in Oslo or summon via encrypted chant.
🧃“I’M-EFFINBROKE” Pick of the Week
(Chosen by the editorial under duress.)
Will Write Classifieds for Soup
Out of work, in possession of several metaphors. Will ghostwrite your classified ad in exchange for ramen, wine, or emotional closure.
Contact: thru whisper. Or @lefttwist on threads.
🪑 Freeloader-Submissions (love you anyway.)
Kanskje bare at arkivskapene har følelser de også. 😄 Eller at ingen helt vet hva de ansatte i "The Bureau of Emotional Rejections" faktisk gjør – men de ser utrolig stilige ut mens de gjør det.
You: Queer, brilliant, smelled like peppercorn
Me: Nervous. Holding a zine. Let’s meet again in real life.
Conceptual Couch
Couch does not physically exist. Buyer must bring belief and €250.
You: Queer, brilliant, smelled like peppercorn
Me: Nervous. Holding a zine. Let’s meet again in real life.
📎 Notes from the Classifieds Editor
Each submission here is printed as received (typos, absurdities, existential tone-swings and all).
We publish new editions when the folder gets full enough to be dangerous.
Want your ad to stand out next time? Sponsor it. Or at least bribe us with art.
🖋 Submission Info
Ready to submit? Go to our Submissions Page, select “Classifieds,” and pick your tier.
We accept:
- Existential offers
- Job listings (real or not)
- Objects (physical or metaphorical)
- Love letters in disguise
- Services for trade (yes, even interpretive ones)
✉️ Questions? Complaints? Want to read more of these in print?
You know where to find us. Or not.
